Amanda Williamson Coaching and Counselling Service in Exeter, Devon

Not looking back in anger

This is an interesting article (above) on anger as it mentions suppressed anger as well as outwardly expressed anger. Suppressed anger can be as problematic and destructive as obvious anger. Passive aggressiveness can wreak havoc in relationships and there can be a dynamic where one person is outwardly angry and the other person silently angry, both reacting to and feeding off each other's differing energies. Sulking, withholding and withdrawing are feeding into the conflict dynamic as much
as shouting and name calling. One is more covert than the other but is no less destructive.

It is harder to pinpoint passive aggressiveness so it is some ways more insidious. It is easier for the outward-expressor of anger to be blamed, and to blame themselves. Blame is itself destructive and solves nothing, whether you are the person doing the blaming or the person accepting the blame.

Some of my clients have come specifically for "anger management" and yet I do not see them as "angry people". I see a human being who is having some difficulties, as we humans do. Whether it be anger issues, anxiety issues, assertiveness issues, self-esteem issues...(and of course I could go on...) people behave the way they do for a reason. Counselling is an opportunity to pick it apart and help raise the client's awareness of the underlying reasons behind their behaviour and to help them make choices that are more in line with where they want to be.