Amanda Williamson Coaching and Counselling Service in Exeter, Devon

I have come to realise that many members of the general public are not aware that counsellors and psychotherapists are in an unregulated profession. I think that may partially be because we supposedly live in an age of litigation and accountability, and it is taken for granted that those with whom we entrust our deepest, darkest secrets would have somebody to answer to if they acted in an unethical way towards their clients.

Look at this typical response from somebody when I tell them that therapists aren't accountable:

"Lack of regulation seems like a recipe for a lot of abuse and misconduct. Who couldn't recognize all the potential hazards considering how vulnerable people are when they seek treatment?"

I CHOOSE TO BE ACCOUNTABLE. I am a member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy - the UK's largest professional body for counsellors. I attended a BACP accredited course because it made sense to me to start off my career as I meant to go on. The Iron Mill Institute's counselling courses are accredited by the BACP which means, according to the BACP website:

"...that (the course) has been assessed by BACP against the criteria for course accreditation as detailed by the BACP public Accreditation of Training Courses (BACP 2002) and awarded accreditation...that they can offer quality training to a high standard, which is recognised by employers, colleagues and prospective clients."

So it was part of the training from Certificate level (the preliminary training) that we were made aware of the BACP Ethical Framework for Good Practice in Counselling. This is actually a very well written document and far from constraining the profession, I think that it gives a lot of leeway for creativity. Note that it is framework, not a list of rules and regulations. It is very sensible and really, I would be worried if anybody counselling out there had a problem with adhering to the principles set therein as they correlate with the qualities and ethics of any decent person.

I could see from the start the clear advantages to being a member of a professional body, for the therapist and for the client. I have struggled to understand the opposing view - that regulation would restrict the profession such that the service we supply would be impaired. This struggle has increased as a result of my falling victim to unethical practice. I am unable to divulge much about the actual situation and have been threatened with being "put in a cardboard box" (yes by another counsellor, who has recently resigned from the BACP...) if I publish details of who this person is.

I'm happy with that, not the cardboard box bit, but I do understand that official procedures are needed at times like this. It's all very well when counselling and psychotherapy goes well, and everybody behaves and acts professionally, but like doctors, policemen, teachers, priests...every single profession in fact, there are a few rotten apples. So we have the inconvenient issue of, how do we deal with those rotten apples? Well, if they have acted in an illegal way then it is a matter for the police. We all know that this is not foolproof and without overwhelming evidence, and because of the stress of going through the legal system, many people don't bother or give up part of the way through.

Now, unfortunately, the therapist whom I fell victim to chooses not to be a member of a regulatory organisation so, apart from complaining against the organisation which he owns and works for, he is personally unaccountable. He can hide behind the organisation and carry on his private, unethical practice. I assume it will continue to be unethical because he refuses to see that anything he has done is wrong. I think he knows it must be wrong because he is completely denying the truth and is attacking from as many angles as possible anybody who is trying to raise awareness of his behaviour.

If this therapist were a member of a professional body then a formal complaints process could be had and he and the victims would have the opportunity to provide evidence and cross-examine and the body could make a decision on whether it was unethical or not. I know in theory that at least 18 paragraphs of the BACP Ethical Framework for Good Practice in Counselling have been contravened, in my case. It would just be a case of proving it, and given that there are several women who are prepared to write statements of their experiences it should be fairly cut and dry. Except that he isn't accountable. So he can carry on, and the public need not know anything.

I want potential clients to know that this is what can happen if you choose to see a therapist who chooses NOT to be accountable.

Of course no system is faultless and there is the risk of therapists slipping through and of being falsely accused. This is part of parcel of the medical profession so why not the therapy industry? Do we throw the baby out with the bathwater because there might be an unfair sanction? Shall we abolish the whole justice system so that we don't make the mistake of incarcerating an innocent? Of course not. Surely it's possible to have a system that protects clients from unethical practice, and no it won't stop it completely (Harold Shipman keeps getting mentioned in these arguments), but it will provide a process, a safety net, for those that would like to raise awareness of potential unethical practice because they have been on the receiving end of it. And maybe, just maybe, they will receive the validation they need in the face of having had their trust abused.

I would not like to have to go through the complaints process myself, but in doing so, I would be confident that I do run my counselling by the guidelines suggested, I do check out my own motives and my own blindspots regularly, and if it was ever found that I had acted unethically I would want to do the right thing, alter my practice if needs be, and apologise to the person who was on the receiving end of it. This is the very opposite of what I am getting. I do not want anybody else to be in this position.

Here's what the BACP say on this matter: http://www.bacp.co.uk/media/index.php?newsId=1769

The stresses and strains of acting ethically...

I had a week away and decided to lose myself in fiction to really get away from it all. I love my job, I love where I live, but life has thrown me a huge challenge of late. I have a professional and ethical responsibility to report unethical practice (especially when aware that several people have been affected) but whistleblowing carries a huge burden. I know I am doing the right thing, but it has been an ongoing challenge (some 7 months now) with being attacked by way of defence whilst waiting for the wheels of justice to turn and slowly do their thing. This is the way it has to be. If I were to be on the receiving end of a complaint I would hope and expect that both sides would be deliberated at length. Everybody has a different reality and, challenging though it is at times, I appreciate that even people who have abused, or who, for their own subconscious motives were not there but are nevertheless denying the abuse and invalidating the victims' experiences, have their own, unique reality. It can be quite a task for those in positions of power to make decisions about abuse to pick out the "truth" from wildly conflicting versions, or maybe it isn't. They just have to stick to protocol. I am impressed with the integrity and compassion shown by the powers that be thus far, which gives me confidence that good shall prevail.

The week away was a real break from it all. I had no access to phone or email. I did not take any counselling or philosophy books with me....or did I? My choice of novels was perhaps not too far away from either...

The Reader by Bernhard Shlink

"There's no need to talk about it, because the truth of what one says lies in what one does."

I bought this book 3 years ago at a train station. I liked the look of it, then didn't read it. So I decided it was about time so packed it in my suitcase. It is fairly short; 213 pages formatted with quite wide spacing. The Independent on Sunday describes it thus:

"...is a compelling meditation on the connections between Germany's past and it's present, dramatised with extreme emotional intelligence as the story of a relationship between the narrator and an older woman."

The Observer offers:

"...a German novel I have been waiting for: it objectifies the Holocaust and legitimately makes all mankind responsible."

So looking at these comments that were written on the back of the book I was obviously aware that this was not going to be some great escape from the harsher facts of life...although in a way it was...because other people's anguish can sometimes deflect from one's own problems. I was absorbed by this book from the very start and the relationship that develops between a 15yr old boy and a woman 21 years his senior was intriguingly written. I appreciated the lack of cheap thrills - yes it had it's erotic moments but they were described in a visceral and raw way rather than an embellished and titillating manner.

There were many philosophical issues that leapt out at me; such as the concept of love versus attachment, whether we should do something against someone's will for their benefit, whether we all have the capacity to numb ourselves to unethical practice inflicted upon others - by others or indeed by ourselves. The story itself is neat and beautifully told. I had no idea how it was going to end and it ended in a very satisfying way. Note that my idea of a satisfactory ending is not in line with the average person's idea - this is a fairly grim story, peppered with tragedy and exquisite poignancy. It left me with a lot of "what ifs" but in a good way - I still have life to lead and I can learn from albeit fictional accounts of other people's lives, and ask myself questions. I love a novel which is a great story and really has me soulsearching. I hope that this is enough to whet your appetite. I don't want to bang on about the story as I knew very little before reading it and am glad of that.

Next on my list was an old copy of Aldous Huxley's Island

"I do muscular work, because I have muscles, and if I don't use my muscles I shall become a bad-tempered sitting-addict"

"History is the record of what human beings have been impelled to do by their ignorance and the enormous bumptiousness that makes them canonize their ignorance as a political or religious dogma."

Bumptiousness - what a marvellous word.

I read Huxley's Brave New World in my twenties. I immediately loved it and found it interesting philosophically, with some great concepts. Unfortunately I was quite bored with the last third and disappointed with the ending. I had considered reading it again but I think I outgrew it at some stage.  So although I had heard that Island was a great novel, I wasn't expecting to be blown away. I was reminded of it's existence last year when I was reading the Forward for "What We May Be" - a book on psychosynthesis by Piero Ferrucci. So when it came time to grab some books for the week, Island got thrown in. I was delighted to find a dramatically more mature work which enthralled me throughout.

The story is essentially a manifesto for a Utopian paradise mixing the best of Eastern and Western cultures. I loved it right away. Okay, so having birds specially trained to say "Attention" to remind people to be mindful is slightly silly, but on the whole, the way of living on the island of Pala is pretty darned close to perfection. They have most things covered (except perhaps the breasts of the teenage girls, but, like The Reader, I appreciated the lack of smut and wonderfully innocent and natural way this fact was portrayed...). Parents can't mess their kids up because everybody becomes members of a Mutual Adoption Club; teenagers take a hallucinogen when they come of age and visit heaven and hell, thus finding them"selves", in an environment that is safe and supportive; people are encouraged to talk about and express their bad experiences which helps them to purge themselves and move on (I particularly liked this one, given my profession!). The only thing that isn't quite perfect is a little nugget of human nature which we refer to as capitalism and thanks to a fancy Sears brochure, the soon to be Raja of Pala, decides to sell the island's soul for the sake of oil. Well, it's not quite that simplistic but the menace of capitalism is hot on the collar of the Utopian ideals described throughout the book.

Meanwhile some thoughts crept in...

So, while I was doing a very good job of really getting away from it all I did have some thoughts about the nature of abuse, the nature of denial and how some people cling steadfastly onto beliefs in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. I think that this was sparked by The Reader and by the Lance Armstrong interview with Oprah Winfrey, as well as a certain amount of fuelling by the current "ethical dilemma" situation back home. The Jimmy Savile thing still casts a shadow too I believe.

Rambling as those thoughts are, this is what I wrote (in my food journal - yes, I kept a food journal and apart from this one page, it really was all about the food consumed over the course of the week):

1. Some abusers believe that what they are doing is for the good of the person they are abusing. Research suggests that professionals who breach sexual boundaries often believe that their actions are salvific. My question is - which is scarier - somebody abusing with the belief that they are salvific, or somebody consciously abusing?

2. Why do some people cling onto a belief in order to protect themselves from a horrible truth (for example a mother denying that her husband is abusing his step-daughter)? In some cases, the person  worsens when faced with overwhelming evidence, and may launch an extensive attack on the person who uncovers the truth. I recall Lance Armstrong's behaviour - calling his former friend Betsy Andreu "a crazy bitch" when she told the truth about his doping, and suing the Sunday Times for essentially telling the truth. Amazing what lengths people can go to to defend what they know is a lie. For me, pity overtakes hate, even if the person continually strikes out, because they are clinging onto a flimsy raft of self-deceit made of the pathetic fibres of loyalty, risking everything in order to maintain a fragile construct of self-worth, perhaps even being dependent upon the abuser for a sense of being.

Is it bad of me to feel empathy for those that do wrong to others?

I had to get these thoughts out.

Then finally onto The Time Travellers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

"Don't you think it's better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, then to be just okay for your whole life?"

I can't really review this yet because I am only a third of the way through. It was recommended to me about 4 years ago by the sister of a good friend. Last year a friend was chucking out some books and gave me first dibs. I yanked out The TTW and threw it in the suitcase. As many close to me are aware, my favourite story since childhood is H G Wells' The Time Machine. I wrote my first counselling college essay on it (a kind of cod-philosphical 3000 words on how it intrigued me). I'm a bit geeky when it comes to time travel. It is my favourite genre of sci-fi, along with the sub-genre "Dying Earth" which was actually "invented" by H G Wells in The Time Machine (when the protagonist whizzes far enough into the future to see the dying days of our planet - a chapter deemed too horrific for the audience of the time and not permitted publishing until later).

So far so good.  I am rather apprehensive because I get the impression that this story (about a man with a chromosomal disorder that gets chucked about in time who falls in love with a girl, who is 6 when they first meet) is going to be full of heartache. It is an impressive feat of storytelling and I am gripped.

So, that is some of what has been going on for me with regards to personal development.

So, I return rested and ready. Work is going well and I have some exciting prospects on the horizon. More on those in good time. Onwards and, erm, onwards.

Amanda Williamson is a professional counsellor with a thriving private practice in central Exeter, Devon

                                                                                                                                              Alice Miller

“Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.”

Alan Watts

I was very much looking forward to reading this book as I had heard good things about Alice Miller. The subject matter intrigued me and of course, dealing with issues of childhood neglect and abuse is very pertinent to the work I do as a counsellor.

Roughly speaking, the book explores the following concepts:

1) The body expresses our truths more than the self-deceptive mind ever can.

"Ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, cigarettes, or medicine, it usually has the last word because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind.... We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but it's rebellion demands to be heeded because it's language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality."

2) The commandment "Honour thy father and mother" has infiltrated our culture to such an extent that  it is taboo to not love our parents, regardless of what they do to us. If we have neglectful or abusive parents then it is expected that we forgive them, even if they continue the hurtful behaviour to us as adults.

(referring to literature on self-therapy and therapeutic care) "... readers are advised to "snap out" of the role of victim, to stop blaming others for the things that have gone wrong in their lives, to be true to their own selves. This, they are told, is the only way of freeing themselves from the past and maintaining good relations with their parents. For me such advice embodies the contradictions of poisonous pedagogy and of conventional morality. It is actively dangerous because it is very likely to leave the former victims in a state of confusion and moral uncertainty, so that the individuals in question may never be able to attain true adulthood throughout their whole lives"

3) The effect of the commandment echoes in the work of many therapists, who due to their own  beliefs about attitudes towards parents, encourage clients to forgive and move on.

"Time and again, I have asked myself why therapy works for some people while others remain the prisoners of their symptoms despite years of analysis.... In each and every case I examined, I was able to establish that when people found the kind of therapeutic care and companionship that enabled them to discover their own story and give free expression to their indignation at their parents' behaviour, they were able to take their lives into their own hands and did not need to hate their parents. The opposite was the case with people whose therapists enjoined them to forgive and forget, actually believing that such forgiveness could have a salutary, curative effect."

Alice Miller uses examples of famous people to make the links between mind, body and childhood abuse/neglect. Those she discusses include Checkhov, Kafka, Nietzsche and Virgina Woolf. She breathes life into her arguments by using real life examples of those whose lives we may have some familiarity with. Rather than being fantastical conjecture, as such an endeavour could end up becoming, it reads as convincing and compelling.

Miller aims to help individuals break the cycle of abuse. On the inside cover it states:

"Miller examines the cyclical nature of violence and abuse. Parents and guardians who abuse their children, both physically and mentally, leave them embarassed and hurt. The inability of most children to properly express such feelings causes them to perpetuate the cycle by lashing out at their family, friends, and, above all, their own children, who will inevitably do the same."

Somebody once told me that he only started to live his life when his mother died. This man was 65 and his mother had died 5 years ago. When he found out that I was a counsellor, he said he was happy that there were people like me to help free people from ruining their lives being a prisoner to their parents. I do hope that I am able to provide a truly non-judgemental space where I allow clients to fully explore their feelings of anger, rage, hate and many more emotions. This is not about "parent-bashing; it's about acknowledging a person's perspective of their experience and holding that for them, without steering them to reconciliation or forgiveness. Only that person can make a decision for what is right for them.

This excerpt from the book is printed on the blurb on the back and I found it quite different to what's usually on the back of therapy books.  Does Therapy Work? could be the title of a dry and research-laden pile of boring dirge that I would possibly have forced myself to read whilst in training. The snippet on the back however, promises something fleshier and most definitely more tantalising than a tome of empirical research and justifications that the most reductionist of therapies - CBT - is the only one proven to work (...yawn...).

A great brain

I have met Jane Barclay at counsellor network meetings and I like her. She is very professional and intelligent and I like the way her mind works. She did a very interesting talk on sex addiction and it is clear from the way she talks that her mind works on lots of differing levels simultaneously. I wish this could be measured as I think that it is the sign of a great counsellor. There are so many differing levels going on in the therapeutic relationship - the client's stuff, the counsellor's stuff, the effect on each other, background knowledge of the physiology/neurology/biochemistry of the interactions and emoting, psychodynamic models - there are a myriad of ways of looking at what is going on, which is a skill applied deftly by the truly integrative counsellor. (For more information on this see The Seven Level Model outlined by Petruska Clarkson - one of the frameworks that is used by integrative counsellors to give their work coherence.)

Jane is also a huge Irvin Yalom fan so I know she has great taste in books. I liked the look of Does Therapy Work? so was eager to get stuck into it.

I was also slightly (very slightly) worried in case I didn't enjoy the book and she might ask me for feedback...

An engaging read

Well, a few pages into it I was excited to find that I was very much engaged. She hooked me in with Part One which is split into The Component Parts and Struggle and Suffering. Jane writes about the therapist in training and the requirement to engage in personal therapy. She explores the therapeutic relationship from differing perspectives, drawing from neurology and attachment theory to explain how we form habits in our thoughts and behaviours and the difficulties in therapeutic change, and also refers to her personal therapy, although this is written about much more extensively in Part Two - Demonstration. Jane also writes about our cultural influences, from child-rearing manuals to society's version of happiness. A sample paragraph:

"...it is this very need for attachment to and dependence upon others that carries the greatest risk of disappointment, of betrayal, of experiencing primeval terror of abandonment and helplessness. When out of balance and frozen in conflict, the dual needs for trusting connection and self-reliance can potentially generate the very greatest suffering and lead to infinitely more creative ways of trying to escape this state that actually perpetuate it. Negotiating for balance is a way of living that I call Autonomous Independence which begins at birth and continues up to and including our last heartbeat, breath and synaptic impulse."

Indeed I like this phrase "Autonomous Dependence" as a way of describing the successful straddling of the apparently conflicting needs we have to retain our sense of self amidst the urge to merge with others. 

A book about the power of authentic relationship

This theme is revisited in Part Two where Jane describes the therapeutic relationship between her and her therapist, Sam, a remarkable sounding man. What I very much value about this book is Jane's risk-taking in describing her innermost fears and thoughts in the actual process of her therapy. This is very different to talking about the various approaches and techniques associated with counselling This is a narrative about the very unique meeting of two very unique individuals, which is exactly what every counsellor/client relationship actually is. We can research this and measure that but these are just reductionist constructs which take away the soul of what can be the most authentic and beautiful, if somewhat intense and at times uncomfortable, therapeutic relationship.

Jane shares her secrets, her shadow side, her shame,  sexual jealousies, babyishness and excruciating vulnerabilities in this gripping, moving account of authentic therapeutic process. This is not fluffy counselling, this is bold, visceral relationship. 

Any gripes? I was slightly disappointed with how quickly I finished the book, at just over 100 pages long. That said, there isn't any waffle to cut through. It's 101 pages of pure-spun gold.

In reading Does Therapy Work? I learned that Jane is at heart, like me akin to a Romantic Scientist - valuing scientific research but intent on looking at the whole of the human being, the whole of the relationship.

I wanted to ask some questions

I emailed Jane and asked if she would kindly consider answering a few questions regarding the book. She generously obliged and here follows my questions and her answers

Amanda: How would you describe your theoretical orientation?

Jane: Happy to state that I hate this question! Always have, feel boxed in. The closest I can get is to call how I work ‘Integrative Life Work’.

Amanda: What were your motivations for writing this book? 

Jane: Early on in therapy, I felt compelled to write to stay sane. I simply couldn’t hold all that was flooding in my head/body. Turning what I’d written into a book was a long (ten year) process, as I shaped and re-shaped (loathe to finish) and condensed approx 160,000 words down to 100 pages!!

Amanda: Can you tell me anything about what is was like being so frank with your self-disclosure?

Jane: Being so frank was a relief. Came easily. I just burned to tell it how it really was...

Amanda: Was writing the book a kind of therapy in itself?

Jane: So, yes, writing from day one to completing the book was always therapeutic.

Amanda: Have you had any repercussions since publishing?

Jane: The effects of publishing took me by surprise. I missed writing so much but skipped ‘saying goodbye’ and rushed into marketing. Going public, for real, jolted out of hiding the part of me who was terrified of being condemned and I plummeted into a very dark place for approx 6 months. This too, though, came from childhood experiences – none of my terrors were realised.

Amanda: Are you still in touch with "Sam"?

Jane: My after-therapy contact with ‘Sam’ dwindled in quantity, though we did email from time to time. I don’t judge our contact as ‘good’ or ‘bad’; I’m also pretty certain the child in me remained confused and continued some transference of longing-for-unavailable father. My learning from this is to be clearer about boundaries in the aftermath of a therapeutic relationship.

Does Therapy Work? is available via Amazon.

Jane Barclay has a private practice in Exeter: